


Not In A Million Years or Zoro The King Of Misunderstandings

by kusattame



Category: One Piece
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Gay Panic, M/M, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-09-02 10:56:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16785568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kusattame/pseuds/kusattame
Summary: This is basicly Zoro being a dumbass, Sanji getting jealous over nothing and Luffy being a ray of sunshine.Law just wants to be buried six feet under the ground.





	Not In A Million Years or Zoro The King Of Misunderstandings

Sunny-go rarely had nights like that, silent and awfully dark. The only noise is the sound of steady drops of water from the kitchen sink and knowing Luffy would not bother, Law took a mental note to report it to Franky. The ship swayed back and forth, causing the faint light of the candle to change the opposite way, in a hypnotising way. Luffy’s harsh slam on the table, however, broke the spell of the steady action. 

“We are going to do it, no matter what!”

Law sunk deeper in his hoodie, he would easily flee if there had been any other person, any potential centre of attention but unfortunately, they were all alone. Luffy’s gaze was unwavering and Law was tired. 

“Why do we have to invite a third party to our relationship,” he asked and immediately wanted to take it back, “The way we are,” he looked up into the dark gaze of the younger, “Isn’t it enough?”

“It will make me happy,” Luffy cracked a faint smile and averted his gaze, “I know it is too much to ask, but it’s the healthiest way.”

“How do you suppose us to find Sabo,” Law said and watched the other captain suffer because it was what Law had been doing since the day he landed his eyes on him. Because he knew he would go along with whatever bullshit Luffy pulled, it was one of his rare chances to make the boy pay. 

Luffy sharply turned his head to look at Law again, his frown replacing with painful thinking face. Law enjoyed the display of unsuccessful attempt at coming up with a brilliant idea of his boyfriend. He was considering getting a glass of cold water when Luffy’s eyes landed somewhere behind him. 

“Zoro,” he excitedly exclaimed, causing Law to look back. “We can always ask Zoro!”

Law’s gaze found the kitchen sink and finally understood how the engines ran within Luffy’s head. 

“Zoro is older than me, you know,” Luffy laughed, soft and relieved. 

“Almost all of your crew is older than you.”

“No Torao, it is not just that,” Luffy looked at him like he was the one being ridiculous, ”Zoro is vice captain, he’s my first mate!”

Their gaze met with mutual understanding, and it was then decided that it would be Zoro. However both captains failed to sense the figure looming over the window, listening their most intimate words. 

***   
  


“So Torao and I decided you’re the best,” Luffy beamed at him quick and half-hearted, his own words painting his whole complexion red. Zoro blinked, yawned and blinked harder. 

Wished he could have listened whatever it had been about.

“Sorry, what,” he asked, hoping they would come up with a small summary. 

“You’re the most suitable one after all,” Luffy ignored his question and went on. Zoro’s searching gaze shifted towards the other captain to find him looking back at him. Not particularly at his face but his body. “And we’re both your captain-”

“No Luffy, don’t force such thing,” Law fixed him with a glare and continued, his eyes on everywhere but the swordsman’s face, “What he is trying to say is you’re the only one we can trust this with, you’re older than Lu after all.”

Zoro tried hard to ignore the pet name and focus on the issue. It was obvious that they were buttering him up for something, that was easy, but for what-

“And you’re my first mate,” Luffy cut in, fidgeting with his sandals while rocking back and forth. "I know you won’t judge us or spoil it in some way.”

There were only few number of things that included Luffy and Law for them to address themselves as us. The alliance was one thing, but they would go to Nami with anything about it. 

The all three of them were part of supernovas but Zoro suspected that they were there to talk about their popularity. 

Then there was the other issue, the whole new closeness between these two captains that had absolutely nothing to do with Zoro. Or did it?

“I’m not…" He furrowed and shook his head. Zoro was the last person on earth to put his mind and soul into.. into something like  _ that,  _ let alone the fact that with these two weirdos. "No.”

“But why? Don’t you like us? Are we not nakama?”

“I don’t- I-” he sighed and raked a hand through his hair. “It is not about friendship Luffy... Law just how the hell did you come terms with his reasoning?”

Luffy’s eyes went wide. “He accepted it to be you!”

Zoro was sure his jaw dropped at that, causing Law to pale even more.

“Please consider it, ne?” 

“No,” he cried out of desperation and as if sent by gods, an angry voice called from inside the Sunny. 

“Oi marimo! Get your ass down to aquarium-” There was lots of yelling in the background but Sanji’s voice was clear and like music to his ears. Sanji kept on his yelling without knowing how much relief he brought to Zoro. “These fools broke the glass and-”

“Shit cook...” He grinned and got up quickly without uttering a word for the captains. “Oi! I will cut your throat open! Just you wait!”

“What are you babbling about dumbass, one of the fishes swallowed Chopper!”

***   
  


“Thank you, Zoro,” Chopper cried over a mouthful of fish, “If it weren’t you, I’d be the meal of that monster!”

“Here,” Sanji put another plate in front of the terrified reindeer, “Don’t cry, it’s your meal now.”

“Thanks Sanji!”

The blonde leaned on the bar, crossing his arms on his chest. He was in casual clothes because his last suit had been ruined when trying to rescue their youngest crewmate. Some parts of his hair were still wet, sticking to his head to create a sight that brought a funny feeling in the swordsman’s gut. 

“Eat lots and don’t turn yourself into a prey again,” he said in his most serious tone to earn a feverish nod from Chopper and a smile from Zoro. 

“So tell me how did you invent teleportation,” he asked Zoro and raised his visible brow.

The question caught the swordsman off guard. He snapped back the first thing that came to his mind, “I’m always fast.”

“It took you forty minutes to follow us to kitchen just now,” Sanji pointed at the clock on the wall and added dryly, “I cooked and took a shower until you managed to find here.”

“The interiors must have been changed with the accident on the aquarium,” Zoro mumbled and shoved a mouthful of carrots into his mouth to keep himself busy. 

Sanji must have read through his behaviour because the frown in his face deepened, turning into a judging expression. It was impossible to hide something from the cook’s analysing gaze.

“I was running away from Luffy and Law.”

There he said it, Sanji and him were the closest thing to best friends on that ship after all. More than that he felt like the other man deserved to know it. 

The man’s face softened and his hand went into his pocket to find his cigarettes. “What about them?”

“You know how they are fond of each other,” Zoro said and added the key words for the cook to understand what it really was about, “In every possible way ever.”

Sanji mumbled a yes around his cigarette.

“Well if I’m not wrong, they want me to participate in their reindeer games.”

A coughing fit caught the blonde and Zoro quietly enjoyed watching him suffer. Chopper’s question cut his guilty pleasure. At the same time Sanji found his own voice to reply.

“What is a reindeer game? Is it fun?”

“They asked you out on a threesome?!”

“Don’t put it like that dumbass!” He yelled back at Sanji and turned to Chopper to clean their mess. “It’s not a game chopper, go ask Nami about it when you are finished.”

***

Sanji was chilling in the deck when he spotted Luffy and Law approaching the sleeping marimo. What Zoro told him didn’t make any sense to be honest, but there was nothing done by those two freaks that made sense anyway. Luffy got his inspirations from the dumbest things happening around them and Law was ready to throw his life away for Luffy’s single breath. 

No wonder why they were the most wanted duo of New World.

What bothered Sanji was neither their captain’s weird muses or Law’s suicidal tendencies but the thing that included Zoro. He had heard of the relationships that included more than two people, yet never even in his wildest dreams he would think it would meddle with what was his. 

See, he found enough rights on him to call that stupid algae as his when the time had come to take drastic measures. They had not been dating officially or even exchanged sweet words to start something, however, they both knew they were a potential something, the crew knew they were that, even the goddamn marines got the smell of the tension between them. 

Yet those brats were that much out of their minds to show audacity to invite Zoro into their relationship. 

He watched Luffy sticking his face impossibly close to Zoro’s, smiling brightly while doing that. Law was fidgeting with his hoodie, looking somehow disturbed. The swordsman’s eyes opened lazily, he looked adorable as hell and Sanji wanted to shove his feet into that face as a safety move. 

Whatever Luffy told him made Zoro go several shades paler, His panicked gaze landed on Sanji who was not so far away from them and he suddenly felt like a deer caught in headlights.

Zoro mouthed a silent ‘help’ and Law turned to look at his way. Sanji cursed inwardly yet decided to take action, someone had to do it after all. He’d stand up and say Zoro was not available for anyone now or anytime in future. He tried to think of the most subtle way to show his interest in Zoro without waking the dumbass up to the situation. Only Law had capacity to read between the lines, the other two shared same simple train of thought. 

He loosened his tie while walking towards the scene, watching the way marimo’s eyes follow the gesture and fucking gulp. It gave him enough courage to make the stupid claim. 

“Oi marimo, what’s up with that kicked puppy face,” he said casually, earning a surprised ‘Sanji’ from Luffy. 

Zoro relaxed visibly while Law was reddening gradually. “Hey Sanji! We were asking him to-”

“I know, he told me,” he cut in, not letting Luffy to make it any more embarrassing than it already was. “I’m here to tell you something about that issue.”

“What is it,” Luffy asked curiously and Zoro raised a questioning brow. Now or never, Sanji, it was now or never.

“I will say it once so make sure to listen my words carefully,” he started in a stable tone, trying to calm his inner anxiety. “He will never get into-”

“Oh Luffy-kun here you are!” 

Sanji inhaled sharply and made himself ready to fight whomever cut the most important sentence of the day. 

“Jinbei,” Luffy greeted the man cheerfully and flashed his signature grin, “We were talking about-”

“I know,” the fishman said and waved his hand. “I heard you last night through kitchen window.” 

Law mumbled something about having no privacy on the ship and both Zoro and Sanji yelped in shock with the man’s next words.

“I will do it for you, let’s not bother Zoro-kun with all this formal stuff.” 

Zoro couldn’t hold back and stuttered out a half confused, half annoyed, “E-excuse me?!”

“What do you mean with formal,” Sanji asked at the same time with similar fervour. 

Jinbei furrowed, looking back at the Law, ”Isn’t this about getting blessings?” 

Law, who was a breath away from throwing himself into the ocean, nodded faintly. 

“Blessings?” 

_ Were they asking Zoro to confirm their…? _ Sanji’s steely gaze focused on the green headed  _ fucking idiot- _

“Of course!” Suddenly, Luffy started to shine with innocence. “That’s how the relationships works, isn’t it?” 

“Right, besides you know I am the oldest after Brook so let me do it instead. We share the same blood, I’ve been wanting to make it up to you.”

Luffy’s face lit up with excitement, “Will you really do it?”

“Yes,” the huge man smiled back, “Come on, let’s find somewhere quiet.”

“Jinbe you’re the best!” 

With those words, all three of them were gone, once again leaving Sanji and Zoro alone with their shame.

“What the fuck was that,” Zoro wheezed but the anger oozing out of the blonde made him stop functioning.

“So they asked you to participate in their reindeer games?!” 

**Author's Note:**

> This tiny-teeny fic-like thing has just happened to me, enjoy or throw it into ocean so that it can save Zoro's ass from the kicking he'll possibly get from his cook!


End file.
